Unspoken
by Dmarx
Summary: It is said that the eyes always speak the truth and Castle and Beckett are no exception. They have always assumed that each could understand the other's silent communication but maybe that's not enough. Maybe it's time to break the cycle. Spoilers for Season 4.


_Summary: It is said that the eyes always speak the truth, and Castle and Beckett are no exception. They have always assumed that each could understand the other's silent communication, but maybe that's not enough. Maybe it's time to break the cycle. Takes place midway through season 4-Josh is gone but Castle and Beckett aren't together...yet. Spoilers for seasons 3 and 4._

_Author's Note: This one-shot was inspired by a line from the fic _Side By Side_ by _ThePossibilityOfMagic,_ which is a beautiful story and if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it! The sentence that inspired me is, "Words could lie, words could conceal– but eyes always spoke the truth." We all know Castle and Beckett are masters of eye conversations, but we also know that they love to not talk about things, and I thought that that sentence summed them up pretty well and, well, this is where it led me. Let me know what you guys think! _

_And I'd like to give a special thanks to Laura for allowing me to base this off of her quote!_

_Disclaimer: Despite my best efforts, I still don't own Castle or its characters._

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><p><strong>Unspoken<strong>

As a writer, it never failed to surprise Richard Castle how often he faced Kate Beckett and was unable to find the words to convey what was on his mind. He had made a living using superfluous adjectives, and yet none were enough to describe her beauty or to explain just how captivated he was by her. And even if he could, he was not entirely sure that they were words she was ready to hear. They were closer now than they had ever been but he could see in her eyes that there was still something holding her back from taking things any further. So instead of telling her that he thought she was absolutely gorgeous, he simply stopped trying to disguise his blatant admiration. Instead of saying those three little words, he held her gaze every chance he got, allowing his eyes to do the talking for him.

Her eyes were no less expressive. Anyone who knew them knew that they could have entire conversations with just their eyes. Ryan and Esposito and Lanie had watched it happen numerous times. Whenever Castle wanted to know what she was thinking, all he had to do was look into her eyes because although Kate had an impressive poker face, her eyes never lied.

Right now was one of those times. She had been quiet, distant, ever since she had set foot in the loft that evening. It had been a rough day at work in more ways than one. Jerry Tyson had returned and had been haunting all of their dreams for the last week. They had finally caught him today; Esposito had fired the shot, saving Ryan from being shot by his own gun that Tyson had stolen all those months ago. While the team felt a certain sense of relief and victory, Captain Gates had ensured that the mood not lift too much; despite the fact that it was a Friday night, she insisted that the paperwork be finished before any of them left. That was followed by her heading home for the weekend, leaving the overworked detectives with a mound of paper.

Now it was after nine and the adrenaline had long since worn off leaving all four of them exhausted. Ryan had gone home to Jenny and Esposito to Lanie. Alexis was out with friends and Martha was performing, meaning Castle had only an empty apartment to look forward to. One look at the detective was all it took to convince him that leaving her to go home alone was not a good idea. She had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair had long since been pulled back, something she rarely did while at work. And when she dropped her head into her hands, Castle figured she must have just as bad a headache as he did.

"Come to the loft tonight," he said softly as she shut down her computer and began to organize the stacks of files on her desk.

"What?"

"Come home with me tonight," he repeated, too tired to even realize what that statement implied.

"Castle…"

Her tone made him rethink his offer and he immediately realized what he had done. "No, no, no," he backtracked quickly, "I just mean…I don't want to go home to an empty place and I don't like the thought of you being alone either. It's been a rough week, Kate, and I could use the company. And I'm sure you could too."

There was no use in telling him that he was right; he always was, after all, especially when it came to her. "Yeah, okay," she agreed, her lack of fight attesting to just how worn out she was.

So now, fifty minutes later, she was sitting on the couch clutching a mug of tea, and she had not so much as spoken a word in fifteen minutes. He was sitting next to her, careful to leave a respectful amount of space despite the fact that he wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in a hug and never let go. As the silence stretched, though, he could not take it any longer. Her eyes were a strange blend of fear, tiredness, gratitude, confusion, and something that he could not quite place-or maybe he could but he did not yet believe it to be true.

"Kate."

She looked up to find his eyes fixated on her, silently pleading her to say something, anything to break the silence. The only problem was that what was on her mind-him-was something that they did not talk about. It was one of those subjects that seemed to fall under their unspoken rule, along with everything else that they had never discussed; the kiss, the freezer, the bomb, the fight, the hangar, the funeral. The 'I love you.'

She dropped her eyes again, unable to withstand his penetrating gaze. She already knew what she would find there. Concern. Fear. Love. She had seen it before, when they faced down the bomb together and when she was bleeding out in his arms. She knew that he loved her, that he would do anything for her, and that was what scared her. Her life had been upended ever since she was shot. She had basically been walking around with a giant red X on her back, never knowing when the dragon would strike again, and she could not, _would not,_ bring him into that. She would not put him in danger. He had a family, a daughter, a career that did not involve being under threat of death.

In reality, though, it was too late for that. He was already in danger, already just as wrapped up in this as she was, if not more, and he would gladly walk around with the X on his back if it meant that she was safe. She would never forgive him if he got hurt in the process but he would never forgive himself if he did not protect her, and although it was not something they had talked much about, he could see in her eyes that she hated that it had come to this just as much as he did.

"Kate, please. Talk to me."

She looked up again and he could almost see her brain going a million miles a minute.

"One thing at a time, okay?" he urged. "We don't have to work tomorrow, we've got all night."

She never thought he would be saying those words to her in that context. Then again, she never thought their relationship would come to this either; a stalemate, a place where their eyes were in complete understanding but their hearts were too scared to force out the correct words. She would deny it if asked, but it had always been inevitable in her mind. She had known they would eventually end up together, but she had never imagined that they would be bound so tightly by fear that neither one could seem to break away. After her mother's death, Kate had been sure that she could make it through anything. Now, as she saw the love and pain mixing in his eyes, she was not as convinced. If he was in this much pain just because she was suffering, she had no idea how he would withstand anything more. As a cop, there were no guarantees that she would return home every day, and looking at him now, she knew that he would not survive something like that. Then again, if anything happened to him, she would not survive it either. And if they did get together and then everything came crashing to the ground, well, they would both be broken beyond repair. There was just so much that could go wrong.

"I don't even know where to start," she said finally. It was true. Everything had been building up since the shooting, or maybe even since before then; almost freezing to death and then facing down a bomb in less than twenty-four hours, Royce's murder, Montgomery's betrayal and death, breaking up with Josh, the new captain, the as-yet-unsuccessful search for the sniper, Ryan and Jenny's wedding and the thoughts associated with attending the event as Castle's "date." Tyson's reappearance had merely been the final straw. The last eight months had been an emotional storm and while she had been forced to see a counselor for a while, he could only fix what he knew. She could hide things from him easily enough because he did not really know her.

Castle was a different story, though. She could not hide anything from him, no matter how much she wanted to-although she usually did not even try to since he was the one she went to for things like this. He was the one she needed to talk to, the one who understood what she had been through, the one who had been there for all of it. And here he was, ready to listen, and she still could not seem to speak.

"Start with Tyson and we'll work backwards," he suggested, seeming to realize that she needed a little nudge in the right direction.

She opened her mouth but did not speak right away. Castle sat quietly, knowing that she needed to sort out her thoughts at her own pace. "It was so close," she managed finally. "Ryan," she added in an attempt to elaborate, although she was not sure why she bothered. She knew that he knew exactly what she meant.

"I know," he agreed.

"Last time it was you."

He shuddered at the memory. "I know."

"It's just…I was so scared then…if something had happened to you…it still could, Castle," she stammered.

"It's part of the job," he offered.

She shook her head. "No it's not. Your job is writing books, Castle, not facing down psychotic killers."

"But my job as your partner is to have your back."

"And if I'd had yours, Tyson never would have had the chance to hold you at gunpoint."

"It wasn't your fault, Kate," he said softly. "There's no way it was your fault."

She was not in the mood to argue that particular point right now. "Regardless, it could happen again."

"A lot of things could happen, Kate," he pointed out. "I could struck by lightning tomorrow morning but that doesn't mean that I won't go outside."

"I know, but…" she trailed off.

She did not know how to say it, how to admit the fact that if anything happened to him, she would never recover. Whether they were together or not, if she lost him, the pain would be unbearable. What she felt for him was not new to her; it was the realization that being with him, truly with him, would not make it any less painful if something went wrong. The feelings were already there. She had known since the Hamptons fiasco a year and a half ago that she was falling for Castle. Even when Josh was around, she had never fully gotten over him, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she had. She had come so close to telling him that she loved him when she thought she might freeze in his arms and he _had_ said the words when he thought he might lose her. As usual, they had not discussed it, although if her eyes had said as much as his in that moment, she was pretty sure that he understood.

Was that not the problem, though? They had spent so much time assuming that the other person could read what was in their eyes and that had led them to have the worst possible timing. Maybe it was time to break the cycle.

She took a deep breath before taking the plunge. "What if something happens next time and I can't get there in time?"

"Kate, you can't think about things like that."

"I can't help it," she admitted. He started to protest but she held up a hand to stop him. "I can't, Castle, because I don't want to ever have to find out what would happen if I lost you."

It was a huge admission, especially coming from her. "You're not going to lose me, Kate," he promised, although they both knew that in her line of work that was not a promise that could always be kept. "I'm not going anywhere. I said 'always' and I meant it."

"I know, Rick," she replied, the use of his first name taking them both by surprise. "But you can't necessarily control that."

He could see the fear in her eyes and suddenly he understood where she was going with this. "You're right," he admitted, "I can't. But the truth is that you can't either. The night may come where one of us is left without a partner."

"That's what scares me," she admitted, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "I care about you, Rick, so much more than I ever thought I would,"-he chuckles at that and she smiles in spite of her inner turmoil-"I'm not sure what we are anymore, but I know that I want you around. I _need _you around."

"That night in your apartment, when we fought," he did not have to say more to know that she remembered; it was not a night either would soon forget, "you asked me what we were and I didn't have an answer for you."

"You said we were partners and friends," she recalled.

"And we are," he agreed, "but I think we both know that there's more to it. I think we both want there to be more to it but we're not sure how to get there."

"I'm afraid to get there." Something else she never thought she would admit to him.

"Why?"

"I've been shot, you've been captured, we've both almost frozen and been blown up, and you know we're being targeted by that damn sniper. We could be torn apart so easily."

"We could," he agreed. "But even if nothing changed between us, things would still end the same."

It did not surprise her that he was having the exact thought that she had earlier, but she wanted to hear his perspective. "And how is that?"

Castle looked away and she could see that he was struggling to find the words. The whole evening she had been caught up in thinking about herself when the reality was that he stood to fall just as far. His inability to put it into words was proof of just how deep his feelings ran.

"It would destroy me."

His words caught her off guard and the look in his eyes made her want to hug him and never let him go. It was pain combined with the stress and strain of having such a conversation, of imagining such heartrendingly horrible scenarios.

She set down her mug, no longer able to hold it steady in her trembling hands. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"Like what?"

"I wasn't supposed to care," she explained, unable to meet his eyes. "I wasn't supposed to fall for you. There was never supposed to be this much to lose."

"But think of how much we have to gain," he said softly.

"Do you think it's worth it?" she asked.

"Absolutely." The reply came without hesitation.

"And if it goes wrong?"

"It won't."

"But what if it does?" She wished she could share his confidence.

"It won't, Kate."

"How do you know?"

His eyes met hers and they were filled with emotion so powerful that it took her breath away. "Because what we have…a friendship like this, our understanding…trust…that won't ever change, Kate." She could tell it was taking everything he had to not add the word 'love' to that list.

"You're serious about this." It was not a question.

"Completely."

"Forever?" she asked, the thought nearly knocking the wind out of her.

"As long as you'll have me."

She scooted closer and leaned into his side, his arm automatically rising to wrap around her shoulders.

"We're going to drive each other crazy," she murmured.

"See, nothing has to change," he joked, and the mood lightened instantly when he felt her laugh against him.

"You really want to do this?"

He could still see the fear in her eyes but it was much less present this time. "I've wanted this for a long time, Kate."

Their gazes met again and she was the first to look away, burying her head in his shoulder. The intensity of his blue eyes was going to take some getting used to, especially when there was that much love visible in them.

"Me too," she breathed, able to speak now that she had escaped his penetrating gaze.

He turned then to sit sideways on the couch and wrapped his other arm around her. She relaxed into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and breathing in his familiar scent. Her mind was racing still but one thing was abundantly clear; this was right. Here in his arms, on his sofa, in his loft, everything felt so right. There would be things to work out, arguments to be had. They would bicker about his money and his fame and the inevitable tabloid article, about her long hours and her struggle to open up completely. There would be a discussion about ground rules for the precinct, about trying to keep things private. They would struggle with communication, just like they always had, although she would like to think that today was a good start. But they would make it through, because they fought for what they believed in and this would be no different. They would fight for this. For them.

She felt Castle's lips against her hair and lifted her head to look at him. He was wearing a soft smile and his eyes were shining. Kate was unable to keep her own smile from spreading across her face and his eyes lit up at the sight of it.

"What?" she asked suddenly, noticing his expression.

"You're happy."

"Were you expecting something different?"

"No, I just…" He reached out and traced her bottom lip with his thumb, hardly daring to believe that the day had finally arrived that he was the one to make her smile like _that_. "I haven't seen your smile much lately. I almost forgot how amazing it is."

She was powerless to stop the blush that spread across her cheeks, but her smile only grew wider. She felt tears of happiness welling up in her eyes and she could not remember the last time she had felt this way despite the emotional minefield that was her life. She held them back, but barely, and she could see that Castle was struggling to do the same.

His hands came up to cup her face and hers rose to rest on his chest as they took the leap together, their lips meeting gently. The kiss was soft and loving, full of feeling and promise, and they both found themselves wondering why they had waited so long.

At long last they separated, leaning their foreheads together and savoring the moment and the feeling of finally having broken through the invisible barrier that had held them apart for over three years. It was terrifying and amazing all at the same time but Kate was pretty sure that was how it was supposed to be. She raised her hand to trace his jaw before giving him a chaste kiss and he wrapped his arms around her again, pulling her impossibly closer.

"Thank you, Rick," she said against his lips, not wanting to sever the connection just yet.

"For what?"

She leaned back just enough to meet his eyes, and the happiness was evident in all of his features. "For making me smile."

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><p><strong>THE END<strong>

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><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


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